Please read me. Pleeeeeaaaaase!

I'm really disappointed to be honest. I asked for ten readers and I end up with just three. That says it all. I am failing miserably in writing an entertaining blog that people read and think "I should tell my chums about this". Not like anybody would think that in the real world. I think this week I will set a target of one reader and then it's almost certain i'll reach my target and I may feel a little happier.
I really want to make this post good this week and therefore I have just surfed the BBC News website for some inspiration. Perhaps the election would bring some interesting goss. Or not. Still, nothing has changed and we're all still wondering which cock will rule the country. I then spotted a story entitled "Pornography row hits Wiki sites" and after selecting it I found that it was a story about the alleged use of child pornography on Wikipedia. I think it's probably best if I didn't talk about that. (You can still find that story on the BBC News homepage 10/05/10) I have hereby concluded that for once nothing even remotely interesting has happened in the news today. In fact, I just heard a journalist say on Radio 5 (don't ask) that there is only so many times he can say that the election-yness is "exciting and interesting" and that journalists are starting to disappear.
So how am I supposed to make this post interesting? I could chat about something furniture-related or for ages and bore you all incessantly (if I haven't already done so) or I could just mention that in passing as I normally do. But that seems to fail also. Maybe I should talk about my mother. She's always funny.
My mum is nothing short of the biggest odd-ball around. And I don't think she'll mind my saying that because she's odd and therefore she'll be odd in the fact she won't care. She regularly threatens to "smack me with her fist" or "slap me with her foot" and not in a child-abuse type manner, almost in a friendly manner. She should accompany these comments by excreting a small turd simultaneously and then she'd definitely be a lunatic.
She's recently become a proper house-wife - a proper mother, and has started doing the washing and the ironing and my bedding is changed more regularly (it's no longer an annual festival). Joke. Even more shockingly, she cooks! Chicken in white wine sauce, homemade tuna fishcakes, the lot. She is as she says "Gordon Brown". She regularly gets him and Gordon Ramsey a little muddled. Bless. See there I am saying "bless" as if she is an incontinent loon that should go on holiday to Switzerland. She isn't incontinent, because she spends most of the day on the toilet wee-ing anyway.
I don't want to portray my mother as an absolute freak show, because she isn't. She can cook, clean, wash, wipe her own bum even make her own drink if there's no-one there. She's lovely almost all of the time (except mornings and the times in which she advises me to become a rent boy). But she is incredulously funny. Her whole life revolves around tea, wees and Countrylife.
I think I'll classify the part in which I mentioned the bedding being changed as the part relevant to beds and other furniture related schizzle for this week. And instead of moaning and asking for people to read and comment I'm just going to try and find a funny picture from Google each week and paste that in instead.
Have a good week! x

xxx